blank

i'm on the opposite couch and we're watching this movie and i can mimic every word she is saying, and every word he is saying, because they're everything we've already said, and i should not be watching this movie, at all, but especially not with you, and i'm trying to keep myself together, but as soon as it ends, and it's black in this apartment, i quietly stand up and walk into the kitchen, my safe haven, moreso than my bedroom or the living room or the balcony or the bathroom, it is here, always here, where i can release the pent up tears, and so i reach for a paper towel and tuck myself into the furthest corner, and i wipe away the tears, ready to enter the living room again but you approach me and you catch me up into your arms, and i want to push away from you, i want to scream at you YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME IF YOU DON'T LOVE ME and the sick part, the sickest fucking part of this entire thing is that i honestly still do not believe you when you say you don't love me, and you're holding me, but i'm not holding you back, and i'm crying, and you whisper, 'wow that was preposterously close to what happened between us' and i want to yell BUT THEY GET TOGETHER IN THE END HE REALIZES HE LOVES HER TOO but i bite my tongue and i unravel because i can feel you shaking as you hold me, i can feel your heart going too fast, i can feel the sigh in your bones, i can feel how much you love me, so please, why can't we try? why can't we fucking try?