DamagedHomewrecker

The wolves prowl around my brain, snapping at shadows, drooling through my veins. Im trying to keep them at bay, throwing them scraps, but they want more; they demand more. But I…don’t have anything left to give. Except you. I could give them you. They are biting at the last shreds of my hope, gnawing on the bones of my future. But. You look at me. You look at me with your North Star eyes, bright with your own wolves snarling inside, and I can feel the electric charge as you keep your winter eyes locked on mine, whispering, “I need you to promise me you will still be here when I get back from vacation.” And there is so much weight in your words, so much depth in your gaze, so much pain in our moment. I whisper back, “I promise I will still be here.” You pull me into a hug. You hold me against you, tight, squeezing me harder, and I know I’m worrying you, and our wolves are howling such a desperately harrowing melody, and I know we both don’t want to let go, and you say, “I love you,” and I say, “I love you, too,” and we disentangle ourselves, your winter lake eyes still piercing through my own, and my wolves are slavering at the chance to devour our love. But. I will not give them you. I promise I will still be here. I promise to stay. And my wolves growl their disappointment as they turn back to chew on the memories of who I used to be. And I am still here.

Norther lights eyes Your smile like the folded pages in my favorite book The nudge of your soul Whispers plaited like butterfly wings A connection that crackles like radio static Getaway car heartbeats Phone lighting up with your name The rush and crush of dopamine and serotonin The nicknames you tuck into the corner of my grin Captured glances Twin flame scars Your past engulfed by mine Shared anxieties Mirrored insecurities Your demons keeping mine up late at night too Pour another drink Chase another dream full of laughter North Star eyes Your smile like the folded edges of a map back home We will never be lost to each other again

Her puppy eyes follow your too quick footsteps and then, you pause, turn to face her and flick your chin, and she’s scrambling to follow you, no questions asked. You walk outside, holding the door open for her. You know she doesn’t smoke but you know she treasures any quiet moment with you. You sigh, frost hugging your breath and your words, “I don’t know when I’ve felt happy last.” She offers a knowing smile. “I get that. I’ll share my antidepressants with you.” She tries to laugh but you know she would sacrifice every last pill for you if she thought it would save you. You know it won’t. “I drink too much for antidepressants.” “Hey! I drink too!” She protests, that insecurity of being forgotten about, of being left behind. “I know you do. But not as much as I do.” Your summer blue eyes crackle on hers, a lightning storm waiting. She shrugs, acquiescing the truth but settling into the fact that you weren’t going to abandon her. You know she worries about you deeply. You know she loves you more than you’ve ever been loved. And you know she’s your twin flame, the yearning scribbled into every movement she makes around you. “I don’t know why you think I’m a good person.” Your anxiety makes a sudden appearance and you’re almost shocked by it. There’s not even half a breath between you two before she pounces, heart gasp in her doe eyes so shimmering steady on yours, “you are literally the best person I’ve ever known.” And you know she means that with everything she is as a person. You surrender, “everyone else says otherwise.” Her voice is ocean violent. “Everyone else lies.” She’s gazing at you with every heartbreak, hoping to banish your cruel demons. You gift her your sad smirk and she devours it, triumphant, and you know she would jump off the roof with you right now or jump into a getaway car with the money from the drawer with you or just stand here silently with you. You know she loves you the way you want to be loved, here, alone together, in the sunset quiet. You know you love her the way she wants to be loved, here, alone together, her needme eyes waiting on your needyou eyes. And you know that every life, past and future, your soul will find hers in the afterglow, every single time.

Here’s a toast to our demons playing well together, how they let us sync up our sadnesses together, and when our matching insecurities become too overwhelming, we can paint the sky with our dark humor, and your Lightning eyes don’t have the same spark right now, a little sizzled out, as you windchime, “I don’t know why you think I’m a good person. No one else agrees with you.” Your past is too shaded for me to see but it doesn’t matter, because you are the best person and my soul knows yours, my heart is safe in your bloodied hands, and even though you pretend that you don’t still have one, I know you do, I hear it whisper secrets to mine, and I love you, twin flame blaze, and I will follow you into the dark, the unknown, forever.

Getaway car blue eyes heating up on mine as the broken necked dove of my heart slams itself against the carcass of who I used to be, the silent hum of confessions of how we both need each other, the sick twisted part of me I need to prune back, that possessive jealousy I need to leash, the feral rush of blood and then the drowning of dopamine when you call for me without a single word, gazes forever searching each other out and full conversations happening in a moment right there, twin flame bursts, but they don’t see, or maybe they do and they don’t understand, but we do, and I am your ride or die, jump off the roof or steal the money from the drawer, rescue you from the side of the road when it’s midnight black out or jolting awake at 2am because I can almost hear your demons, the strain of whispers that we try to quiet, how you promise to take me out drinking one day to spill out anxieties all over the floor, and tucked into corners with fractured wills as we recite our hymns, “it looks like it’s just me and you” and “it always is.” And it always is.